I've rewritten this post about 46 times now.

All I wanted to say is that I want to make friends.  I just can't get past a certain point with people.

Update: And that didn't help.

I want to write something about my feelings.

I'm pretty, but only partially fascinating.  I need a hobby.  I will choose to fly kites.  No, I can't do that.

Maybe I'm just cranky today and woke up on the wrong side of the bed: my side.  As evidenced by my last statement, I'm just cranky.

This is what we call verbal diarrhea via key...bored.

What I've Gotten From Russia

100 Sunburns

200 Reasons to Leave/Return

300 Shots of Vodka

400 New Words

500 Americanos

600 Phone Numbers

700 Cigarettes

800 Requests for Change

900 Stares

1000 Mosquito Bites

My Feet Smell: Evidence of Washington and Russia

PEE KAY
Doppleganger Hangout, Bizarro World, The Nation's Capitol?
Like I've never been to a pool before
Wear Strawberries and Eat Churches
Fat-Burning Furnace, How I Did It
Snatch a Mouthful
Breast-Feeding on the Grounds
Rotten Root Beer
Caucasian Captive

Bad Spellers Untie!

Haha, I've never seen that before.

Charley would appreciate that one.

Is he a good speller?

Yes, a rare find.

Wow, T-bone would love him a lot. A refreshing change from all the losers brought to her doorstep over the years

Yeah? Is there a story about this?

Yes:

1. Maura's boyfriend, who was telling T-Bone about a special on TV about Egyptian mummies, said they opened a tomb and the whole thing was full of esophaguses!

2. T-Bone's hillbilly neighbor, who had a kid arrested, said she was going to have to get a lawyer so they could "flea bargain."

3. The friend who said that another woman was so mean to her friends that she was "annihilating" everyone. I think she meant to say 'alienate.'

4. Her sister was beyond fat. She was 'obeast'. I love that one.

5. One of the pastors I work with gaffed the other day. We were texting each other and he called the other pastor a "pre-Madonna". I guess he had not ever seen prima donna spelled out.

When I Return

1. Confirmation

2. Tanzanian Peaberry

3. The Back of Ben and Jerry's

4. Writing a Song

5. Playing BINGO!

6. Getting Registered

7. Burying the Hatchet

8. A Lot of Field Work

9. Pudding it in Your Desk

10. Making Lasagna

11. Getting on Your Case

12. Get to Know Your Guts

13. Sealing the Deal

14. Fucking up Your Gchat

Family Programming

This morning my mother pretty much called me an anxious wreck and that I seem to be merging on the edge of numerous anxiety attacks.  You know what?  She's wrong.

I'm happy.

I'm fucking smart.

I'm in love.

I'm going to Russia.

I'm surrounded by the greatest people.