The Spring Semester's Competition (In Chronological Order)

1. Northern Pikes

2. !!!!!!!!!

3. Starting homework twelve hours late

4. Deactivating

5. RUH-ROH

6. On the beach

7. Broke and swarmed by flies in every which way

8. Figuring out what I want, resulting in suicide

9. Deep, DEEP holes.  CHAMP.

10. A failing body.  Youth, I'll never know say aloud how much I torture you.

11. БАТЕРЕЕЙРАБОТАТЬ??!@?!??&%ЁЁ!?

12. Making pie of possibilities and honey.

13. Beefin' up.

14. Once, twice, three times the lady.  And by lady I mean bacterial throat infection.

15. Adulterating, combining stages, vitamins, lofty ideals, craftsmanship, and a pinch of siamese cats into myself.  A word to the wise: Quit admiring God's work.

Testing, Check, Check

One hen, two ducks, three squawking geese,

Four limerick oysters,

Five corpulent porpoises,

Six pairs of Don Alverzo's tweezers (Ouch!),

Seven thousand Macedonians in full battle array (Hey!),

Eight brass monkeys from the ancient sacred crypts of Eeeeeegypt,

Nine! apathetic, sympathetic, diabetic old men on roller-skates with a marked propensity towards procrastination and sloth,

Ten! lyrical, spherical diabolical denizens of the deep who hall stall around the corner of the quo of the quay of the quivery all at very the same time!

It's 4:30 in the fucking morning.

Secrets

1. Double Hernia

2. Double Dater

3. Double DNA (Dumb Bitch, I'll take your kidneys)

4. Double Trouble

5. In Over MY HEAD!

Apostrophes

1. Oh, Youth!  I'll never say aloud how much I torture you.  You are constantly failing and you will kill me.

2. Oh, Love!  You use me more than I use your aftermath, your products.  Who are you and why won't you let me sit next to you at the table?

3. Oh, Word Play!  I'm using you, I think.

4. Oh, Circulation!  You aren't what you used to be, I'm sure.

5. Oh, Seven!  What makes you so damn lucky?

6. Oh, Lord!  Shine your light into my heart, so I may be like you.  And if you have children, then nevermind.

7. Oh, Honesty!  You are the best policy!  This is why I must avoid you.

8. Oh, Friends!  Oh.

9. Oh, Trouble!  You are encoded in my genes.  You're on the same gene that dictates glucose reception, eyelash length, and my propensity for asking questions.

10. Oh, No!  You!

Karma Repair Kit: Items 1-4

1. Get enough food to eat,

         and eat it.

2. Find a place to sleep where it is quiet,

         and sleep there.

3. Reduce intellectual and emotional noise

        until you arrive at the silence yourself,

        and listen to it.

4.

A poem by Richard Brautigan

TTAAPP

2. I just want to fall in love two.

Funny at the Time, Not Funny Now

1. Knickerbockered

2. Nabokov, His Life in Art

    Nabokov, His Life in Part

3. Из-за чего вы не пошли на дискотеку?

4. Oftener

5. Transient Ischemic Attack (Ministroke)

6.