Don't Buy Your Own Bullshit, Crater-Face*

1. Cinnamon In It

2. Extra Texture

3. Edited It

4. We Miss Mrs. Meniscus

5. No Way Jose Zone

6. Ensconced in Whatnot

7. Mispronounced Ms. Pronounciated

8. Gross Growth

*Most of these are not my creative phrasings, but rather a collective effort for the absurd by the absurd.  Give a hand to Chloe, Emily, Zachary, and Charley.

Other Ideas:

1. Face Wars

Publishing Posts Past Written

1. Rows upon rosy pawn toes.

2. 

"Well, Maybe Not That Fast"

1. Here are some chips.

2. You left this EXTREMELY important letter on my dashboard.

3. You're devastatingly handsome.

4. I want Q.J. to have her babies.

5.

6. The weather is bee-a-yoo-tee-ful.  Go play!

7. Freckles

8. Toni Braxton

9. Sponge baths, hypothyroidism, and cubs

10. I love a bad Charley almost as much as I love a good reuben.

11. You may be wondering, "Who the hell is Reuben?"

12. Old dog tray (p. 67)

Gotcha, Captcha!

With as much conscience effort to ignore any Latin roots and coherence, here are my definitions of these 'captchas':

1. Numanil: n. A person who finds light from electronic devices to be extremely comforting

2. Ressesin: n. The unhealthy obsession with creating a 'State of Nature'

3. Muraff: n. The clinical name for heartburn occurring in premature adolescents.

4. Lypersid: n. One goofy-ass, asymmetrical haircut and/or hairstyle

5. Clatsuse: n. A special type of trap that captures very large, absurd animals, such as women named "Bertha"

6. Coduine: adj. Sparse and varied in size, often in reference to freckle patterns

The Spring Semester's Competition (In Chronological Order)

1. Northern Pikes

2. !!!!!!!!!

3. Starting homework twelve hours late

4. Deactivating

5. RUH-ROH

6. On the beach

7. Broke and swarmed by flies in every which way

8. Figuring out what I want, resulting in suicide

9. Deep, DEEP holes.  CHAMP.

10. A failing body.  Youth, I'll never know say aloud how much I torture you.

11. БАТЕРЕЕЙРАБОТАТЬ??!@?!??&%ЁЁ!?

12. Making pie of possibilities and honey.

13. Beefin' up.

14. Once, twice, three times the lady.  And by lady I mean bacterial throat infection.

15. Adulterating, combining stages, vitamins, lofty ideals, craftsmanship, and a pinch of siamese cats into myself.  A word to the wise: Quit admiring God's work.

Testing, Check, Check

One hen, two ducks, three squawking geese,

Four limerick oysters,

Five corpulent porpoises,

Six pairs of Don Alverzo's tweezers (Ouch!),

Seven thousand Macedonians in full battle array (Hey!),

Eight brass monkeys from the ancient sacred crypts of Eeeeeegypt,

Nine! apathetic, sympathetic, diabetic old men on roller-skates with a marked propensity towards procrastination and sloth,

Ten! lyrical, spherical diabolical denizens of the deep who hall stall around the corner of the quo of the quay of the quivery all at very the same time!

It's 4:30 in the fucking morning.

Secrets

1. Double Hernia

2. Double Dater

3. Double DNA (Dumb Bitch, I'll take your kidneys)

4. Double Trouble

5. In Over MY HEAD!